Friday, June 11, 2010

Society overdose

Grrr, I've spent so much time with people recently that I don't know who I am anymore.

I'm not that good in setting my personal boundaries. More often than I would like to, I end up with people pushing their opinions, decisions, energies on me and it hurts. No amount of affirmations or self-conditioning seems to counteract it. It's like if I had some big open holes in my energy-body, through which all the rubbish from people around me gets sucked in. So I face a choice - either sterilise yourself, so that no feeling remains alive inside, or let it all get into you and spend loads of time and energy to get it out of the system later on. And you know what's the worst part? Most of the time I go out not because I choose to, but because I have to - to get some money for the bills, to satisfy one administrative office or the other etc.

And instead of slowly going the direction that may eventually free me from all that, I get fired by anger and burn some more.

I still have so much to learn.

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