There will be some philosophy in today's post, so if it gives you the creeps - turn back here and run!!!
See, I'm curious. One of those big, 'what it's all about?' questions. It's not really that I'm looking for an answer - I guess everybody has one, and surely I've read so many versions of how it's supposed to be like and what we are supposed to do, that my head starts spinning as soon as I think about it. But I'm still curious.
I was given a book today, on how to defeat self-hatred. I think it's a big, big, big issue and I would so much love to live without this cruel critic in my head, and maybe with some joy instead?
One of the things the book (and many others) say is that acceptance is the key. That the greatest blessing a human being can achieve is to accept WHAT IS. It's hard to do, maybe one of the hardest tasks out there and it surely brings a lot of inner peace once you manage to get there. All the magic, all the happiness is there, just as promised.
And yet... If we accept what is, how could we ever CHANGE it? Where the hell would a motivation for a change come from?
I do understand and value the tranquility that acceptance brings. It might be the only possible way out of hopeless situations, those that we simply cannot escape. It's a fantastic anaesthetic when you're stuck somewhere and cannot leave. But it's nothing, NOTHING, compared to satisfaction you feel when you successfully change some deep shithole in your life into something better. It can feel like a paradise, because not only the reason for your pain disappeared, you also have the knowledge that it was you who caused it.
See, I don't know, and probably never will (and how much I've weakened this post by saying so - wouldn't it be great if I had The Answer?). What I do know is that sometimes acceptance is only giving up sweetened by some agreeable self-lies. And sometimes the need to change is just fear in disguise.
What a messy life we're living, hey?