Bored to tears

I was really, really bored yesterday. More than that, I was THIS close to writing a post about it! Luckily for me, someone distracted me halfway through typing, I saved a draft and returned to have a look at it only today. What a pile of rubbish it was! Delete, delete, delete!


Why I'm telling you all that? Because I want to admit that boredom DOES happen. I guess everyone gets those moments, when nothing seems interesting, worth of your attention or a smile. Man, how frustrating those moments are!


I've observed one thing yesterday. The harder I struggled to think something up, to find something interesting to do, the worse it actually got. Not only I wasn't really hooked, I also started to hate things I would otherwise love to do! Lucky me, I didn't end up stitching so I can still embroider a thing or two :).


New items added to the shop almost daily. Check it out, make my day :).


Oh, by the way, did you know that a new book by Terry Pratchett has been out for about a month? I found out yesterday-ish and have been itching to run to a bookstore ever since. Broke as I am, I will have to wait some more, but if you are bored and looking for a good read, I shall wear midnight would be the perfect antidote. Even if you don't treat Pratchett as a guru (god incarnated, the wisest creature on Earth :) as I do, you're guaranteed a good laugh.


Nothing kills boredom better.

All the sugar in the world

Milan Kundera in his Unbearable Lightness of Being gave a definition for kitsch that no one has yet managed to beat for me in good few years. I would love to quote here, but since I don't have the book on hand, you will have to trust my description or otherwise read the book yourself (bloody worth it!). So, according to the text, kitsch is nothing else that all the forced and acted emotions that are not really there, but we would oh-so-love them to be there. Like pretended friendship and generosity for a person you know would jump into your partner's bed at first chance. Like official parties where you actually hate all the formal bores around you, but hell, if you speak out you'll end up either socially anathemised or without a job. Like shop assistants smiling from ear to ear at your sight and jumping into their charming best when the only thing they think of is how long until their break. Like charity collectors, who give you long stories about suffering children but forget to mention that your donation covers also first class ticket to an exotic destination for a big fat company bonzo, who, when there, will indeed give a scrap to the kids and jog off to his company expense account 5 star hotel and golf tournament afterwards. Like...


Oh I know I'm balancing here on a line between kitsch and an outward lie, but more intimate examples are not something to put onto a public read. What I'm trying to say is that we seem to have a serious problem with admitting that the truth is not all sugar and glitter. And with accepting this fact. I'm so tired with people for whom everything is fab and brill and fantastic, no matter what you'll put in front of them. Example? Comments on any article in Etsy blog. Not that they are all there to get advertising, no, no...


The truth is out there? Not anymore, I sometimes think.

Monday bloody Monday

I'm not the greatest friend of Mondays even if I'm my own boss.

But today's share of work is done, two pairs photographed and up on etsy.

Magic of being seems to escape me today, so I'll let images talk instead of moaning on.

Here's more pics.

Society overdose

Grrr, I've spent so much time with people recently that I don't know who I am anymore.

I'm not that good in setting my personal boundaries. More often than I would like to, I end up with people pushing their opinions, decisions, energies on me and it hurts. No amount of affirmations or self-conditioning seems to counteract it. It's like if I had some big open holes in my energy-body, through which all the rubbish from people around me gets sucked in. So I face a choice - either sterilise yourself, so that no feeling remains alive inside, or let it all get into you and spend loads of time and energy to get it out of the system later on. And you know what's the worst part? Most of the time I go out not because I choose to, but because I have to - to get some money for the bills, to satisfy one administrative office or the other etc.

And instead of slowly going the direction that may eventually free me from all that, I get fired by anger and burn some more.

I still have so much to learn.

Internet inspiration - double edged sword

I'm right after a good session of digging through the net to find some ideas.
And how do I feel? Like if somebody had attached a thousand leeches to my elbow to suck suck suck all the fresh blood = fresh ideas = any traces of well-being left in me.

Do you know it from your own experience, perhaps?

There's so much stuff out there, so many projects, so many people. Some are outright there to trick you and to make you buy/believe in bullshit. Because of their plentitude I'm on my guard against EVERYONE now - tires the hell out of me.
Some are just cheap and kitsch and ugly and don't have anything gracious on them.
Some seem to be so great that I instantaneously feel that I'll never be able to do something worth second look.
God, the Earth is so CROWDED!!!

Leaving everyone to their own, what is a person supposed to do if they want to exist somewhere there, if they want to offer a product, but not enter the newly-emerging online rat race?

I guess I will need to cut down on the amount of time spent looking for 'inspiration' online.

It only makes me feel unworthy and tiny - after all, there's so many people doing fabulous things, selling it in a fantastic way and being oh-so-cool. Where am I compared to that?

Then I have another thought - what if I close my eyes completely to what those Other People do? What if I focus on doing my own thing, what if I let my dreams, my perceptions, my emotions inspire me instead of looking for inspiration from someone else? Whatever happens to my creations - the time and joy in creating them is mine. Nobody is able to take it away from me. I am here and now, I have two hands, all the time in the world and million ideas in my head and the rest can go hang.

Easier said than done, but I guess that's the right direction to go.